Kalyanamittata : having a "good friend" (a person or social environment that is helpful to one's life development)
Friends is important cos they have a great influence on our advancement and regression in life. Finding a true friend, who stays around forever, is something that life offers to very few.
Some people are blessed to have friends, who stick to each other through the thick and thin of their lives and never ever break the relation, even with geographical distance or time. Long lasting friendship does not happen in a day. It takes years to develop understanding and higher levels of trust, if you want to boast of having old friends. It needs equal efforts from both sides to make the relation work
False friends & True friends
Good friends can be differentiated from the rest by certain characteristics.
A. False friends: one should know the four kinds of false friends, or enemies in the guise of friends (mitta-patirupaka), as follows:
1. The out-and-out robber, one who only takes from his friend (harajana), has four main features:
1. He thinks only of getting.
2. He gives little in the hope of getting much.
3. Only when he is in danger does he help his friend.
4. He is a friend only for his own profit.
2. The smooth talker (vaciparama) has four main features:
5. He is only good at talking about that which is done and gone.
6. He is only good at talking about that which has not yet come.
7. He offers help that is ineffectual.
8. When his friend needs help, he makes excuses.
3. The flatterer (anupiyabhani) has four main features:
9. He consents to [his friend's] doing wrong.
10. He consents to his doing right.
11. He sings his praises to his face.
12. He runs him down behind his back.
4. The leader to ruin (apayasahaya) has four main features:
13. He is a companion in drinking.
14. He is a companion in night life.
15. He is a companion in frequenting shows and fairs.
16. He is a companion in gambling.
B. True friends: one should know the four kinds of true friends, or friends at heart (suhada-mitta), as follows:
1. The helping friend (upakaraka) has four main features:
17. When his friend is off guard, he guards him.
18. When his friend is off guard, he guards his property.
19. In times of danger, he can be a refuge.
20. In times of need, he gives more than asked for.
2. The friend through thick and thin (samanasukhadukkha) has four main features:
21. He confides in his friend.
22. He keeps his friend's secrets.
23. He does not desert his friend in times of danger.
24. He will give even his life for his friend's sake.
3. The good counselor (atthakkhayi) has four main features:
25. He restrains his friend from doing evil or harm.
26. He encourages his friend in goodness.
27. He makes known to his friend what he has not heard before.
28. He points out the way to prosperity and happiness.
4. The loving friend (anukampi) has four main features:
29. When his friend is unhappy, he commiserates.
30. When his friend is happy, he is happy for him.
31. When others criticize his friend, he comes to his defense.
32. When others praise his friend, he joins in their praise.
(D.III.185)
C. Reciprocal friendship: friends should support each other according to the practices in the teachings on the "left direction" listed below:
One should treat friends as follows:
33. Share with them.
34. Speak kindly to them.
35. Help them.
36. Be constant through their ups and downs.
37. Be faithful and sincere.
Friends reciprocate as follows:
38. When their friend is off guard, they protect him.
39. When their friend is off guard, they protect his property.
40. In times of danger, they can be a refuge.
41. They do not desert their friend in times of need.
42. They respect their friend's family and relations
Reference: Phra Phromkhunāphǭn (Prayut Payuttō), A CONSTITUTION FOR LIVING http://www.watnyanaves.net/th/book_detail/492
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